The title of this post looks pretty ominous - I promise its not as bad as it sounds...
Recently I've been seeing many blogs and bloggers I love start to disappear - quite simply they've worked so hard on their blog and to be part of the online community that they've burned out. Some are taking a hiatus and others have given up entirely and this makes me really sad.
It also made me think about my own blogging experience and where I am right now. Where I am right now is in bed with a large tea in my favourite "Nightmare Before Christmas" mug and a buttered scone (how frightfully English), feeling monumentally sorry for myself.
Let the catharsis begin:
My health has been rubbish since the beginning of the year, nothing serious, but enough to be a real drag. It has also meant that I can only wear make up rarely now, and if you know me on FB, you'll know I love my make up (its my armour of sorts), so my self esteem has taken the biggest hit ever. Again, in the grand scheme of things, this is not the end of the world, but its taking its toll on my mood and confidence.
As a result of that (on top of other real life "stuff"), I've slid back into depression (after kicking a 15 year dependence on anti-depressants about 5 years ago) and have levels of anxiety I've never experienced before. I don't have the luxury of hibernating like I used to when things were bad (pre motherhood) as I am determined that my daughter won't be affected by how I feel (I really deserve an Oscar btw!), so I need to change other things in my life to make it all a bit easier.
I thought that blogging was helping, but I've realized that I've been using it as a distraction to occupy my mind. As a result, its become a kind of OCD chore. I feel guilty if I don't post and feel like I've missed an important part of my day, but not in a healthy "I love blogging so much I can't wait to write this post" kind of way. I don't get to draw/paint/sing/watch crap TV/look at pictures of funny cats as I'm busy painting nails/editing photos/typing posts/reading posts/aiming for blanket social media coverage and it's making my brain hurt.
In spite of all this I do still love blogging. I'm not a writer and will never claim to be. I started the blog as a reference for me to track my progress in nail art and never expected to have people read what I'd written. But I found over time that I love the sense of community, the ability to get my thoughts out there and know that maybe someone out there read it and feels the same as me, or wants to engage in conversation as a result of something I wrote.
On to the constructive!
- I do too many challenges and try to be active in too many groups, which means that I'm spreading myself too thin. I'm going to be cutting back on a few, which I hope will allow me to be more involved in the others and stop it feeling like such a chore.
- I'm not necessarily going to be posting every day. And certainly not at weekends. And probably no more two post days unless something stupidly exciting happens.
- Also, I probably won't be putting every mani into a blog post from now on. I'll be posting all my manis on IG and FB and probably about 4 or 5 a week on the blog, along with swatches, reviews and maybe a more personal blogging challenge that I'm looking into.
- I am/was in the process of setting up a YouTube channel. It will still happen, but not right now. I'm dropping that idea at least until after the summer.
So, to sum up! I'm not going anywhere, but I am taking my foot off the gas. I don't want to lose my love for what I do, and I've worked hard to get FingerFood to where it is. Apologies for offloading real life stuff on here, but I feel its important that readers understand my motivation for the changes.
Having said that, there will be a nail art post today, and then I'm off for the weekend (that sounds odd lol!) so I can start work on my college course, but that'll be after I've spent the rest of this morning in bed watching Jeremy Kyle and Judge Judy...
Sam xx
I think that's smart. I've also seen a lot of bloggers disappear and I'm always afraid to go down the same path! I stick to blogging every other day, I've cut way down on swatches and reviews because the art is where my heart is, and I don't participate in groups much anymore either. You can't be everywhere at once, even though other people think you can!
ReplyDeleteThat last bit about "not every mani goes into a blog post" is so smart! It's hard to figure out where to trim when you're feeling stretched, but I think you're going about it reasonably. I hope it works for yoiu and I hope your health comes back to a place where you're comfortable. You're absolutely one of my favorite bloggers and I would hate to see you burn out. However this means I will need to start paying a lot more attention to IG so I don't miss any of your artwork!
ReplyDeleteI hope everything works out for you! I love looking at all your different designs! I can relate to how you feel in a way; being fairly new to blogging I've been discovering so many groups and challenges that I want to take part in that I end up doing nowhere near as many as I'd like, because I never know where to start! But anyway you are super talented and I will keep following your work :D! Hope you start to feel better soon xx
ReplyDeleteAh hun, sorry to hear that things are getting on top of you like this, but it's totally understandable. The amount of challenges you've been doing, and the fact that practically every mani is a freehand masterpiece always makes me wonder how you were cramming it all in to a day! I totally get how you feel without your make-up too, I'm exactly the same, although I'm still in the hibernating stage :p
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're planning to stop pushing yourself so hard though, and barring any major incidents, I should even be able to follow you on IG in a few days :D Take some time out for yourself though, you've bloody earned it, and if you ever need a sympathetic ear, or even just to vent, you can always pm me <3 xxx
Please take care of yourself! Blogging should be fun so if you don't feel like doing it one day, then don't! We'll still stick around. :D
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are approaching things well, and putting yourself first! That is THE most important thing you can do, so well done. I hope you can find your balance, your happy spot and your creative outlet, those are so important to us. I know you said you are going to not share every mani on the blog, but what if you did something like what Robin Moses does (or did, not sure if she is still doing it) where she'll make one blog post, but then share a handful of different manis in it. Like a roundup of sorts. You wouldn't have to go into any kind of detail, just "hey, here's the gorgeous nails I made this week". That may be an option too :D You know I'm here if you need ANYTHING!
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that. It probably saved me at the time and now, 18 months on, I'm looking to get more involved in the online world and challenges again. I think the important thing is to find groups where people realise that life gets in the way and are happy to let you deal with that and support you while you're doing it. And to learn when you're taking too much on and it's sucking the enjoyment out of it. Sounds like you're half way there already.
ReplyDeleteYou go, girl! We know sometimes the backstage isn't all about creativity rainbows and awesome manis. It's good you're trying to keep focused on what this is about: having fun, being passionate about something that makes you happy. I hope (and know) you'll find your balance: this is just the beginning of something new :) We'll be here for you whenever and whatever :)
ReplyDeleteHi Sam you are doing what is right for you at the moment as mentally and psychically blogging can take its toll!
ReplyDeleteI understand with regards to depression and anxiety having suffered with this myself on and off for years you just have to find your way of coping that is best for you.and more importantly taking one day at a time.
I know that blogging can also act a a distraction and give you focus which is a positive thing however it is your blogging experience after all and you decide when you want to participate in challenges etc other should understand if they are true followers/friends.
You have a great talent for nail art hun and you always explain things well in posts etc so do this for you as this was for you to see how you progress and you should be proud of just how far you have come :) hugs to you xxx
Thanks for all your comments ladies. I appreciate each and every one of them, as well as all the direct messages of support. Even writing the post helped, as its given me written rules to follow and it was great to have a weekend where I just switched off! Hopefully my mojo in all areas of my life will be back soon, but in the meantime, thanks all for being there xx
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