The title of this post looks pretty ominous - I promise its not as bad as it sounds...
Recently I've been seeing many blogs and bloggers I love start to disappear - quite simply they've worked so hard on their blog and to be part of the online community that they've burned out. Some are taking a hiatus and others have given up entirely and this makes me really sad.
It also made me think about my own blogging experience and where I am right now. Where I am right now is in bed with a large tea in my favourite "Nightmare Before Christmas" mug and a buttered scone (how frightfully English), feeling monumentally sorry for myself.
Let the catharsis begin:
My health has been rubbish since the beginning of the year, nothing serious, but enough to be a real drag. It has also meant that I can only wear make up rarely now, and if you know me on FB, you'll know I love my make up (its my armour of sorts), so my self esteem has taken the biggest hit ever. Again, in the grand scheme of things, this is not the end of the world, but its taking its toll on my mood and confidence.
As a result of that (on top of other real life "stuff"), I've slid back into depression (after kicking a 15 year dependence on anti-depressants about 5 years ago) and have levels of anxiety I've never experienced before. I don't have the luxury of hibernating like I used to when things were bad (pre motherhood) as I am determined that my daughter won't be affected by how I feel (I really deserve an Oscar btw!), so I need to change other things in my life to make it all a bit easier.
I thought that blogging was helping, but I've realized that I've been using it as a distraction to occupy my mind. As a result, its become a kind of OCD chore. I feel guilty if I don't post and feel like I've missed an important part of my day, but not in a healthy "I love blogging so much I can't wait to write this post" kind of way. I don't get to draw/paint/sing/watch crap TV/look at pictures of funny cats as I'm busy painting nails/editing photos/typing posts/reading posts/aiming for blanket social media coverage and it's making my brain hurt.
In spite of all this I do still love blogging. I'm not a writer and will never claim to be. I started the blog as a reference for me to track my progress in nail art and never expected to have people read what I'd written. But I found over time that I love the sense of community, the ability to get my thoughts out there and know that maybe someone out there read it and feels the same as me, or wants to engage in conversation as a result of something I wrote.
On to the constructive!
- I do too many challenges and try to be active in too many groups, which means that I'm spreading myself too thin. I'm going to be cutting back on a few, which I hope will allow me to be more involved in the others and stop it feeling like such a chore.
- I'm not necessarily going to be posting every day. And certainly not at weekends. And probably no more two post days unless something stupidly exciting happens.
- Also, I probably won't be putting every mani into a blog post from now on. I'll be posting all my manis on IG and FB and probably about 4 or 5 a week on the blog, along with swatches, reviews and maybe a more personal blogging challenge that I'm looking into.
- I am/was in the process of setting up a YouTube channel. It will still happen, but not right now. I'm dropping that idea at least until after the summer.
So, to sum up! I'm not going anywhere, but I am taking my foot off the gas. I don't want to lose my love for what I do, and I've worked hard to get FingerFood to where it is. Apologies for offloading real life stuff on here, but I feel its important that readers understand my motivation for the changes.
Having said that, there will be a nail art post today, and then I'm off for the weekend (that sounds odd lol!) so I can start work on my college course, but that'll be after I've spent the rest of this morning in bed watching Jeremy Kyle and Judge Judy...
Sam xx
